Monday, September 16, 2013

A cultured weekend part 1: pampered pooches

On Friday evening, I had been so busy writing about renal failure (the day job) that I had not realised that my weekend was stretched open before me, baron and empty of things to do.

Having had a quick look on twitter at the various things people were proposing (quick plug: follow me on @a_lemon_entry) and the fact that I had a birthday voucher to spend in Topshop, I chose Knightsbridge as the place for my Saturday excitement. 

With my housemate in tow, I pottered along Brompton road, feeling somewhat like a poor cousin from the country in an Austen novel visiting shiny, preened, urban relatives (the Burberry and Tommy Hilfiger clientele with their pearls and overpowering designer perfume). It was fun nonetheless, and the Topshop here was a far cry from the one in Brixton that I am used to shopping at and there was no fear of being mugged when I stepped out with my new purchase. 

We moved on to Harrods, ohhing and ahhhing at the beautiful building and stepped inside to a pristine white cosmetics hall. My 'poor cousin' image felt like it was rapidly descending the hierarchy to 'street urchin'. I tried not to touch anything, or smudge the polished services. 

The endless racks of clothes and bags are quite daunting; I am a tomboy at heart and I class high-fashion as something that costs more than £60. We got to a lift and I was automatically drawn to two levels: toy kingdom and pet kingdom. The lift, might I add, was an artwork in it's own right, looking like something out of Charlie and the Chocolate factory - I recommend going to Harrods purely for this reason. 

We shot up to pet kingdom and it didn't disappoint. There were diamond encrusted dog collars, sheepskin four poster beds for dogs the size of large rats, and countless gadgets and gizmos for darling pampered pooches. We cooed over some beautiful black and white-spotted cocker spaniels, on sale for a mere £1500 per mutt. 

The best part, without doubt, was the beauty parlour where you can stand and watch a dog beautician cut, shampoo and blow dry the most ridiculous-looking queen of a dog. I am sure I saw it volunteer a paw for a manicure. I couldn't help thinking what the owner must be like. A bitch, much like her dog I presume. 

We then got back into the magical lift, and arrived at toy kingdom. An opportunity to indulge in childish fantasies. We played with fake snow, took part in our own robot wars, cast a few spell's with Voldemort's wand and stared enviously at the most beautiful dolls' house. 

It was time for our next cultural appointment, but before we left we had to visit Christmas World (it's only 99 days until the big day you know); we took one look at the piles of candy canes and flashing baubles and ran out the door.....  I feel painfully sorry for the staff working there who have to endure countless hours of 'Jingle bells'. 

Even if you are only going to look and stifle laughs at the people who can actually afford to buy a diamond-encrusted cat litter tray, it is worth the trip. For those of you who own five houses in Sandbanks, please take your pug to the Harrods hairdresser, or if not, I will valiantly take their place, my hair needs a bit of spruce up.....

Where: Knightsbridge
Price: From £1.50 for a piece of salami to a small house deposit for an emerald locket. 
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